Home Alone – Day 5

It’s a good thing my wife will be home in just a couple of days.  The toxicity level in my body, mostly from alcohol and cheap cigars, has reached a critical level.  My coordination is off, my decision-making abilities are severely impaired, and I believe I may have started hallucinating.  I thought I spotted a cow in the kitchen this morning, our collection of books seems to be rearranging itself on the shelves just to taunt me, the silk plants are drooping from lack of water, and I looked up and saw that both cats had been duct-taped to opposing blades of the ceiling fan, spinning in slow circles above my throbbing head.  Actually, that last one wasn’t a hallucination.  I don’t know how they got there, whether it was by the gypsies or me, sleep-walking, but they seem to be safe right now, and I have other problems to deal…